he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
