community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
Randomize
