wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Also yeah I would definitely have to say that one of my favorite things to do is to get high and pet cats.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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