i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
Randomize
