can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
So good!! I became real good friends with an adorable black lesbian couple from Baltimore and a man in a diaper.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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