I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize