Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
