shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
