I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
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