he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
