Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
