clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
