omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
barbara walters just said penis...
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
