too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
