Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
Is Oprah even human
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Randomize
