she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I wanna trust fall face first on a penis.
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