This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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