At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
