so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
