Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
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