I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Randomize
