3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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