I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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