Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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