I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I think that all guys are assholes, some of them just have less assholeish qualities that we accept in our lives and that we can look past enough to deal. They have to be a pretty special asshole.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
