Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Randomize