Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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