I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
