No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
Randomize
