On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
