I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I just paid a homeless man $20 for the dragon ball Z shirt he was wearing. I need to stop drinking
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
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