Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
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