We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
