Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
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