She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I got with a bridesmaid and a server as well as put an $80 tab in rum and coke under the name Emerson Iglesias. Are you sure it wasn't my wedding?
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Randomize
