I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He gave me his business card. It was a Justin Bieber trading card with his number written in sharpie. I have to call him don't I?
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
Randomize
