just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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