Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Randomize
