there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
So squirting runs in the family.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
