John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
