Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
my shit smells like andre
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Randomize
