just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
She nearly killed the mood when she said "Don't cum on my spray tan"
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
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