This girl is more easily done than said...
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Don't make fun of the drunk girl eating bread out of her pockets. I've been that girl.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Randomize