I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
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