Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Randomize
