i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize