I love having hate sex.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
