I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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