I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
