4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Randomize