it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
