we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
