The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
