where am i from again
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
