I always wonder when I meet a guy from online if he needs a moment to mentally register and accept the size of my ass. maybe ill wear a dress.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
Some guy said that sham wows were the same as regular shammys. needless to say you had to be restrained. you kept trying to 'slap chop' him.
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
