I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Randomize
