Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
Randomize
