ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize