I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
