the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
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