dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Randomize
