I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
Randomize