This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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