You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
It's not a walk of shame if you run
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
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