if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Yep, it's a dick on our front door. Intentional?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
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