it wasn't lemon gatorade
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Randomize
