Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
You need to get laid. You spent last night stumbling through the club pulling couples apart and telling them to leave room for Jesus.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
