thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Randomize