i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Randomize
