I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
For sure shouldn't do homework after beers and joints. Just cited like 3 sentences at the end with (History, 2013)
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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