She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
You guys bombarded us in the bathroom and that kid whipped his dick out and peed in the sink.
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
