; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
where are you?
Hypothermia
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
All time low: no dry towels so I'm using the sex towel to dry off
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