how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
You gave me a bottle of tequila and introduced me to a ginger named cowboy. I actually love you.
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
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