Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
My vagina is officially offended.
I mean, if you want to light yourself on fire for maximum accuracy, far be it from me to stop you
final thoughts: i just want someone into choking me out, weed and anime
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
