Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
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