He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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