Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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