I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
My cousin's dog just exhaled smoke. My job here is done.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
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