I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
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