happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Long story short he broke into a preschool and threw all their cones into a tree.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Randomize
