I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
and that my friend is why you dont go in for an eye exam and drop 250 dollars on a pair of glasses after smoking a blunt
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
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