Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
Honestly it's a super power. I can try it a million different ways and nothing happens. Donnie casually says "ok this is now a toppless party" and it all kicks-off
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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