Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
