New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
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