i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
how drunk are you?
Several
Sex in the backyard? Check.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
