I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
