batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I am naked and annoyed.
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
