your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
Randomize
