Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
